1. |
2 Prologue
03:30
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Narrator: Greetings, and Welcome back. When we left off, Boss and TARS had just sent the Fuh King to a shallow grave, and it turns out the CD that TARS stole was Tool’s last album, and it wasn’t that great.
(It was very okay, yeah)
Anyway, a lot has happened since then. When TARS defeated the Fuh King, all the Fuq-lings bowed down to TARS. Things were great at first, Boss was able to start his human repopulation project, and TARS was living the royal life. However, things started to change, slowly.
(Things started to change, yeah)
Power started to get to TARS’ head, the number of servants grew and grew, TARS stopped listening to boss, more than before, and even started to view his repopulation project as a threat to his power. With his back against the proverbial wall, Boss knows something has to be done. In the Fuh King’s collection of “shit from Earth” Boss found some sort of tutorial from the year 2010 called Inception.
Now Boss plans to infiltrate TARS’ dreams with his new knowledge.
But, surely TARS’ can’t be that bad now, can he?
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2. |
Chapter I: King TARS
04:05
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TARS: I am the king!
TARS: I am the king of the fuq-lings, disobey and I'll turn you to nothing
I know that Boss is planning something
Boss thinks that he can keep, a secret from me
Look down, bow down, and notice meee
Boss: With TARS as the King, no baby making
TARS: Not on my watch, I am the King
TARS: I've got so much power it's fucking insane (x2)
Boss: Power went straight to his head
TARS: I am the king (x3?)
Boss: Dammit TARS you're such a stupid shit, gunna have to get in your head a bit (x8)
(Power went straight to his head) (x6)
TARS: I AM THE KING
TARS: I've got so much power it's fucking insane (x2)
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3. |
Chapter II: Botnapping
00:35
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Boss: Hey TARS, can you come here for a minute?
TARS: I’m busy Boss
Boss: I have to show you something. Yeah, it’s right back over here, yep.
TARS: What?
Boss: It’s right there on the ground, just look down there.
TARS: I don’t see anything.
Boss: Yep, you see it?
TARS: I don’t see shit, Boss
(Knocking out a robot noises)
TARS: Aaaaaah
Boss: Sorry TARS
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4. |
Chapter III: Inception
03:26
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Boss: Kidnap the bot, tie his hands in knots
Computer connect and prep for the inception
Now there’s no turning back
Having a panic attack
Thinking of all the things inside his head
Will I be okay?
Now it’s time, synchronize, plug in minds, close my eyes x4
We’re going in
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5. |
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Carnival Barker: Oh well hello there
No, no, no you’re not lost
You’re in just the right place
We've got all things that are good!
For example, look over there!
It’s a whole booth dedicated to the number 69
Oh and what’s that?
That’s a familiar face!
That looks like the Fuh King’s head mounted on a wall!
Yes Boss, you’re in….
THE MIND OF TARS!
Oh Boss! Come right over here
I have to show you one of my favorites!
Look! It’s a picture of you, that time that TARS replaced your toilet paper with Listerine strips!
Okay everybody, everybody settle down
Now Boss… we know you’re not here for all this—as great as it is
We know that you’re hear for something particular
Yes, yes…We know you’re hear to change TARS’ mind
And we don’t know how we feel about that, do we?
But! We have a special guest that’s going to go with you on this journey
His name is Oracle, why don’t you come on up Oracle
Oracle: Hello Boss
Carnival Barker: Yes, yes, we all love Oracle don’t we?
And he’s going to take you on your journey Boss
So here’s what you have to do, LISTEN UP!
You must climb to the top of Mount Whiskey Dick
Oracle: It’s a real place, look it up!
Carnival Barker: That’s where TARS will be
This next part is important…
You must convince TARS to ring the gong
That is the only way to change his mind
But remember! If you die in TARS’ mind…
YOU’LL BE TRAPPED HERE FOREVER!
So here’s your map…
Now get the hell out
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6. |
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Oracle: And you’re so, so far from home now.
You’ve gone too far Boss, there’s no escaping now
You’re in the depths of his mind, will you ever get out?
(As the shadow’s creeping closer now)
Take a sec Boss, and think about
What you’re doing here, let’s work this all out
After you change TARS’ mind
We’re still stuck here, till the end of time
I can be your guide!
To the depths of his mind
All the wonders you could see!
If you come follow me
Boss, just, follow me
There’s all sorts of wonders in here
You just have to look
Stop and smell the dick-shaped roses
Look up at the sky, see the 69-Birds flying by
Look up at that cloud there, it looks like Danny Carey!
You wouldn’t want to leave this, would you?
It’s so nice here
And we’re so nice here
You just couldn’t bear to leave
(As the shadow’s creeping closer now)
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7. |
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Narrator: Boss and Oracle had been on their journey for quite some time now
And Oracle kept trying to lead Boss further, and further into TARS' nightmares
Boss: The Nightmare!
Through the dream, the nightmare x4
(secret robot, you got a secret, do you not? x4)
TARS' disembodied voice: Boss please don't hate me
Narrator: Oracle's plan had backfired
Now Boss knows that TARS' biggest fear is Boss' rejection
Oracle knew he had to act quickly,
Or else Boss, armed with this new knowledge, would be able to escape
And so, he began to hatch a plan...
To deal with Boss...
Permenantly
Oracle: Oh Boss don't you see?
That I'm the insurance policy
And I hereby state, or rather decree,
You won't
Change his mind! x3
Boss: Are you serious or am I just delirious x4
Oracle: Don't take it so personally
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8. |
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Oracle: Well Boss, the jig is up, you've figured me out
I was never here to help you,
And you will never change TARS' mind
Boss: This can't be, you're deceiving me
Oracle: That’s right
You gullible fuck
Now come on, there’s no hope
Goodbye
You’re just doomed to fail
Now come on, there’s no hope
You’re just doomed to fail
My plan's been revealed
(laughter)
My plan's been revealed
Boss: Oracle leave me alone
I don't need you
I'll find TARS on my own
Leave me alone
Let me find TARS and snuff out this power that's grown
Oracle: Oh silly Boss
Don't you know by now?
We can't let you leave.
You can't change his mind haha.
You'll have to stay right here...
Right here..
With us...
Forever
Here with us forever! x4
(laughter)
Boss: You're deceiving me x4
Boss: Uh... but what is that over there behind you?
Oracle: What? Where?
Boss: Fuck you (running away)
Oracle: Agh, god damn it...
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9. |
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10. |
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Narrator: As Boss caught his breath from sprinting across the digital landscape that is TARS' mind
He looked up, and spotted TARS just below the mountains peak
With Oracle close behind, he made his way up to TARS
To convince TARS to ring the gong
Boss: TARS! Can you hear me? Ring the gong!
Fucking ring the gong! x2
RING THE GONG!
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11. |
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Boss: TARS you have to hear me out this time
hear me out this time
Climb up the mountain see the mountain
See the gong, ring it, ring it x4
(TARS you have to hear me out)
Oracle: Don't you dare x3
Boss: Ring it! (x4)
(ring it, ring it)
Oracle: Don't you dare ring the Gong!
Oracle: This is our final hour
We'll make the fools all cower
Planets we shall devour
Think about the power!
Think about the power
We'll make the fools all cower
They're going to need to shower
Planets we shall devour
This ain’t our final hour
Above them, we’ll tower
All their dreams turn sour
Think about this power
Think about your power
Boss: You think you're losing me
That's not true, it doesn't have to be
The choice is yours, this is it
It's time to stop being such a stupid shit
It's time to stop being such a stupid shit
TARS: Hey Oracle, suck it bitch
Oracle: Nooooo! x2
TARS, how could you?
I'm melting
But you'll both never make it out of here alive.
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12. |
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Ahhhhhhh x2
Boss: TARS wake up, you're dreaming
You're gonna kill us both it's seeming
TARS: Fuck that shit, I don't wanna die
Don't know what it is but you got to try
Boss: Do something! x4
TARS: Think! x4
TARS: Listen...
Here's the plan Boss, listen up
We've gotta jump off the mountain to wake up
Boss & TARS: We're gonna fall x4
Narrator: Boss and TARS had to take a leap of faith, so they joined hands
Boss: Let's jump...
For our lives x3
Boss: I tried for your head, heard the heart instead
Always been a troll, but you have a soul
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13. |
Chapter XII: The Rise
01:16
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Narrator: Wake up boss
Wake up TARS
You’ve got to wake up now
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14. |
Chapter XIII: Robromance
03:42
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Narrator: Man and robot, been through a lot
Now they've got, something special
Boss: Troll or not, what we got
Is a real robromance
Narrator and Boss: Real robromance
Boss and TARS: Troll robot, what we got
Is a real Robromance, we're singin'
Boss: Troll or not, what we got
Is a real robromance
Boss and Narrator: Real robromance
Boss: TARS, you frustrated me so much
But like... I love you, man.
TARS: I love you too, wahhhh
Boss: We've just been through so much together
Angry Boss: But if you ever do that shit again,
There will be no...
Narrator & Boss: Real Robromance
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15. |
The End?
02:12
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Zombie Fuh King: I’m alive?
Holy shit
Wait a minute
Where is that
Dumbass
Can-headed
Robot
He’s MINE
Oh god I’ve got to go take a shit
I guess I’ll do that first
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Empire Bathtub Houston, Texas
Empire Bathtub is the progressive music duo of Stephen Forristall and Jonah Robertson, who have flown through space and time in a wash-basin to deliver a glorious sonic buffet to titillate your earholes.
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